Full of Gratitude!

I know that is has been a few weeks since I have posted anything about my weight loss journey. However, there has been so much going on and any spare time has been spent with the kids or sleeping. Let me start by saying that this is a bitter sweet end to an amazing contest that the Planet 94.1 and all of the sponsors have so graciously given to all of us. I am so sad to see it end, but I am so ready to continue this journey with my new weight loss friends.
I would like to share with you the experience of my first 5k. It was awesome!! The Biggest Loser 5k at Tuachan was well done! The rain was the only factor that come into play that was not something that I personally expected to experience. I of course told the facilitators of this event that I would come and volunteer at 6:30 in the morning. Yes, what was I thinking? First, I am not much of a crack of dawn kind of morning person. I am more of a sun coming up kind of morning person. Needless to say, it was a treat to go early and meet the other racers and volunteers, fellowship you could call it! Shauna and I decided to warm-up, we jogged around and did some stretches. It was soon time to line up, and before we knew it the whistle blew. We were off! I decided to keep my pace, slow and steady wins the race. My goal when I started this journey was to be able to run the whole way. Well, I did! I jogged the entire 3.6 miles. Yes, I am calling it 3.6 miles because that is what was on my watch (which of course is calibrated, I use it every day!). At the finish line I held on to Shauna and began to cry. When I started this weight loss journey 10 weeks ago (at this point) I could not run a quarter of a mile without wanting to give up and start walking. I would run out of breath when I would walk to my car from the classes I take at the college. It was a big slap of reality for me, and the huge steps forward I am taking. The 5k was amazing, and I am now addicted.
So, when I started my journey I weighed 300.2 pounds. As of Friday April 1, 2011 I weighed in at 254 pounds. I have lost a total of 46 pounds!!! I am just in amazement of how one day at a time makes such a huge difference in the pounds. At my last weigh in I lost 6.8 pounds. There are days when I do not want to do anything, and then there are days when all I want to do is push! I have been looking at some old pictures and seeing what a huge difference just 46 pounds have made in my physical appearance. I was able to pull out some old clothes that have been stuffed away in my closet and put them on, and they fit! Nothing is more satisfying than seeing the fruits of your own labor! This is my journey, this is my life, and no else can do this but me! I am going to be honest, after the contest I ate a cookie at the studio. Well, it didn't stop there either I met up with one my friends and had a smothered burrito. The next day I ate pizza. I was back on track on Sunday. However, I have not worked out since Thursday night. Tonight will be first official day back on the healthy eating and exercise. The big thing that I learned about the few items that I did eat that I no longer partake in are simple really, I don't have to eat everything on my plate, I can order a small, and it is plenty. Not only all of this, I can actually eat this stuff, not beat myself up about it, and start fresh the next day. Do I feel guilty about the food intake? NO, I do not feel guilty, it was a treat. I have learned from weight watchers and even other people who have taken on a weight loss journey, that if you do not treat yourself every once in awhile you may have bigger slips and fall back. I know that I do not want to go back to 300 pounds and I know that my goal is to loose approximately 100 more pounds. I know that this is possible because of the progress already made. I also calculated some numbers, if I loose 2-3 pounds each week, I will be down the 100 pounds this time next year! This is something that is tangible for me. I know that I can do it! I also plan on keeping this blog, I know that it is keeping me accountable for my weight and I love that part. If I tell you readers what I am doing, more than likely I am going to follow through with it. I don't want to let you down, or myself! So keep on following me for the next 100 pounds.
The contest... I was in the final 3! It came down to me, McKel (my partner in crime) and Dina! The final results: McKel
This is where I need to thank all of the people who made this possible and gave of their time and energy.
I would like to thank Planet 94.1, Chris, LaRae and Emily... You are all very amazing people and it has been so much fun getting to know you, and such a gift for you to choose me. Thank you for making this possible for me, and giving me the opportunity for me to take my life back. I love you! I would like to thank Amerest Anderson with Pure Health she has done some amazing work on my back, worked on my depression with acupuncture, and gave some very solid health advise. Thank you Amerset for giving to me so freely, you are a blessing and such a beautiful woman inside and out. I would also like to thank The St. George Running Center, they provide me with a few pair of shoes along the way, and I am sure they will continue to be the place to go for my feet needs! You guys Rock!! Weight Watchers and Sue, what an amazing place to get information on nutrition and support. I love weight watchers. This is where I have learned to have a healthy relationship with food again. I am no longer afraid of food, and what it is going to do to my body, I already know. I also know that I can know have guilt free eating! Whooaa! Who would of thought. Thank you Sue for your added encouragement and loyalty to all of us. You really know how to inspire and create a feeling of comfort in your workshops, you are so wonderful. The Washington City Community Center, big shout out to you! Oh my goodness, every single employee at this place is amazing. I walk in and they say, "Hey Leslie! What are going to do today!" Where else can you go and get the VIP treatment every time you walk in? I love it! Very nice! I know that I will be a lifetime member. Colleen, who a always there to encourage and answer questions. Colleen you are such a blessing, I have so many nice words to say about you. My trainer Ty, she is my new favorite person. She pushes, watches, believes, and sees in me what I am unable to see until after the fact. I love you Ty, you are forever going to be in my heart and I hope to continue our relationship for years to come. The bod pod at The Gateway to Wellness, thank you for showing me how unhealthy I was and for showing me how healthy I am becoming. I also can't forget my family and friends who have put up with my whining and crying over the past 11 weeks. My children and fiance of course. I would also like to thank McKel for becoming someone I can count on to go to the gym and someone who is willing to show up for me and for herself. You are one hot mama!
Ok... enough with all this mooshy stuff, I am off to my son's baseball game and then to the gym! I will talk to you soon!

Down Sizing Baby!

That's right, I am down sizing! Physically, I have been loosing the pounds, and inches. I am so proud of how far I have come, in just 8 weeks. I am wearing clothes that I have had in my closet for a few years that have been a little too tight. I put on one of my shirts that used to be tight in all areas, mostly my arms, and it fit! It not only fit, but it looked good and it was not tight around my arms. When I started this journey my goal was to loose weight. What has gone on in my mind it a lot of "I need to loose 150 pounds!" and "This is going to take forever!" But, what has happen to me know is, I am thinking I am well on my way to loosing those pounds. As of today, and according to weight watchers and their scale, I am down 36.2 pounds. I of course get on my scale on Thursday mornings, after I have done my duty, and I am down 40 pounds. But, this is not what counts in the competition. However, what this does for me is help me to look at things differently, and know that no matter what happens at the end of this competition, I now how the tools I need to keep my weight loss goals in check. I have set new goals for myself. I am not just going to stop at this Biggest Loser 5k, I am going to do a 10k, and then who knows from there. I know that I am becoming an athlete, and I enjoy working out.
Many of you know that I am a recovering addict, and that I have been clean for over five years now. Well, with that being said, I am an addict, which means I am addicted to more, I am addicted to things that make me feel better. So, I am fortunate enough in this situation that I have now become addicted to working out. Who would of thought that something that created so much wreckage in my past would be a good quality to have today.  Working out makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I can do anything, and it helps me to believe in myself. When I am working out, it is me against myself. No one else is there to tell me I can or can't do something, just me. What happens through this battle at the gym is that I can apply all these positive thoughts that I have taken from those moments in the gym when I wanted to quit on myself, and apply them to my life outside of the gym. I have learned how to live life without the use of drugs, and now I am learning to live my life without the use of food. I am also learning to live my life for myself, and putting myself first. If I do not take care of my health and my body, no one else will. I have lost my brothers, my father, my grandmother, my godfather and today there are no more excuses for me to be lost in my weight. I need to be healthy so that I can see my children grow up, and do things with them that I have not been willing to do.
I need to be honest, I was not happy last night when I found out I lost 2.4 pounds. I know what I have been doing in the gym and outside of the gym. I have been running a few miles without stopping. I have been doing spin classes, and power training classes, and eating properly. I spoke with my trainer, Ty, and she said that who knows what is going on with my body. I might be gaining muscle, or my body is adjusting to the workouts. Once I run the week through my mind I realized that I am getting stronger, and my endurance is better than it was when I started this thing 8 weeks ago. I am running down Snow Canyon "The Stop Sign", and I still have the ability to run more. This is amazing. My goal when I started was to be able to run the entire 5k, and I am well on my way to doing this. McKel has been my partner through this journey, she has been by my side encouraging me to keep going. Thank you McKel. I also have to say that Charlie, well how can I say this, he watches what I eat more than I do at times. Which, is frustrating, but I know he is looking out for my best interest. He is also willing to go on these 8 miles runs with me, when he has time off. So, to sum it all up I am getting what I need out this journey. I am loosing weight, I am thinking better about myself, and I have a ton of new friends who are athletes. How amazing is that!!! LaRae, from the Planet, shared her story with us last night, and it was so inspiring, I know that one day I will be where she is, and I will have the opportunity to share my story with someone and inspire them.
Today is a new day! I am ready to face this challenge and work my hardest to get the results I need. Today I am 110 pounds away from my goal weight! That is so amazing! This is not going to take as long as I thought it was going to take. I just might be able to wear one of those amazing swimming suits one day, and some really cute shorts with a tank top! Look out world, because I am ready for you!

Feeling the Success!

Today is just the beginning! I am well on my way to becoming an amazing athlete. I never thought that it could be possible for someone like me. But, today I am setting goals and reaching those goals. Since I started this competition my goal has been to run at least three miles a day. I have done the three miles a day sometimes I do two miles and sometimes I do four. But, what is happening for me is I am finding myself getting stronger every day. At this point I am focusing on my fitness goals, and leaving behind the weigh-in's on Wednesday. For so many of us we get all worked up and stressed out about how much weight we will loose and if it will be enough. Of course I want to loose big numbers each week, why wouldn't I? Who doesn't want to loose 10 pounds each week? But, what I have been gaining is so much more that what the scale says. When I am in the gym and I am struggling, trying to breath and holding back the tears something happens, I gain a little more of my life back. I gain more of myself, and the belief that I can do anything, absolutely that I set my mind to. There is this thing that I do when I need to push through, I take a few deep breaths, I clap my hands a few times, and in my mind I am saying, "Ok God I need you to help me right now, I need you to help me to push. Leslie, I believe in you! YOU GOT THIS!" Then I push myself through. This past week Ty had me trying different exercises. We started on the stairs in the gym, she had me jumping up them. I looked at her like are you crazy?  I don't jump! But, I did! All the way up not only once, twice, three times but four times. Then we moved on to some other intense upper/lower body exercises. She had me on this half ball turned upside down, balancing myself and doing squats on the top. This is where ninja noises started come out of my mouth! Needless to say if I hadn't already had the attention from those around me, I did after I started to make these silly noises. After the end of this workout I was ready to pass out! I was so beat down. However, I cleaned up and went to work. This week I have not taken one day off from the workouts. I am not sure if that is beneficial or not, but I have felt good. On Tuesdays I hit the gym in the morning, then meet with Ty and end the day with Zumba. Today, I slept in and did not hit the gym this morning. I will meet up with Ty and get my groove on with her and Zumba. I think this is my idea of break. There have been some family things going on that have not been easy to deal with, but another one of my goals is to focus on my personal goals and live in the moment. This week I have also hit the stop sign twice! It is my new favorite thing to do. It is a total of 7.71 miles, I walk up and then I run down. This Sunday, I ran most of the way down! Yes, can you believe it! I have learned that I enjoy outdoor running much better than indoor and I learned that I can just keep running! Charlie is a huge support and motivation, thank you sweetheart for believing in me. Monday night, I met up with McKel and Kristina, we ran one mile without a stopping! Yea that's right we did one mile no stopping! Did some frog jumps, jumping jacks, lunges and laps. After we finished our sets we preceded to do another mile, yes that's right we jogged the whole way, I walked a minute or two but picked myself right back up and finished the mile. It is amazing what can happen when you put your mind to it. It is also amazing what I can do when I have someone working out with me, it helps me to push that much harder and hold myself accountable to finish what I started. Thank you ladies for being apart of my workouts! I am down 30 pounds so far and I am starting to feel the difference in my entire body. I am looking forward to my next weigh-in and can't wait to fill all my supporters in.

Grasping the Lessons...

Oh my goodness! This week has been so full of wonderful lessons and blessings. After the weigh in on the 23rd, I felt really great about my weight loss. But, me (the addict) wants more. However, what I have learned from all this past week are the little miracles that never could have taken place, had I not been chosen for this competition. I met with Ty (The Terminator) on Friday, I did 2 miles and then some interval training with her. She had me doing some cardio, the bike was great, it was the rowing machine that had me thinking some not nice thoughts about Ty. At some point I think I said, "I'm going to have the guy over there take you out back for me!" Her response, which of course was funny, yet true, "You'll have to catch me first!" Yea, not gonna happen for me at this time, one day! She of course gave me that dang medicine ball, squats and then throwing the ball against the wall as high as I can. Ummm...really not one of my favorite things to do. There were other things that took place, I just tend to remember the ones that gave me the most pain. Towards the end of my workout she had me do step-ups with 30 pounds of weights on my shoulders for 2 minutes. Then, she had me do it again without the weight for 2 minutes. She looks at me and says, "This is what you have been carrying around with you! How much easier is it without the added weight?" Talk about emotions coming to the surface! What a shot of reality. In that moment I was so proud of how much I have lost so far. I have been pushing myself to the limits up until Saturday. Saturday was the day my knees told me that they were in so much pain. I started my workout with Zumba, then I tried to do my normal 3.5 miles. Yea, that did not happen. I ended up doing one mile. Later on that day I went back to the pool and did 20 laps in the pool. My new goal will be 64! Sunday came along, and I was doing a fundraiser for the program I participate in. The Pie In the Eye, event. Lets just say, I did not enjoy the pie in my face, I will post pictures of course. But, we got into a bidding war on some pies that were up for a silent auction. Charlie wanted to chocolate pie, and the little girl that wanted it decided to opt out of the bid, we ended up with the pie. I wanted the coconut cream pie, not the whole pie, just a bite. Well, the guy I was bidding against decided to leave the event. Yea, I know! We ended up taking two pies home. I had plenty of points for the day. We had a good dinner, and I decided to have a very small slice of pie. I ended up taking three bites of coconut cream pie and three bites of the chocolate cream pie. WARNING! Do not attempt to eat sugar when you have been sugar free for 6 weeks! I wanted to puke, I had a headache, my heart was pounding. It was just the thing to cure my sugar addiction that I once had. I looked at those pies in my fridge this morning, I thought, "Oh, barf!" Never again! I am so over the sugar, sweets! I am so proud of how far I have come. I felt so guilty this morning. This is not the week to be testing my weaknesses, we are no longer a team. We are now on our own to make it or break it. I did not workout yesterday. Which only means that I must workout extra hard tonight. I am learning so much from this opportunity. I am by far learning to love healthy foods, and a healthy lifestyle. I am learning to eat healthy snacks and meals, that give me more energy and help me to feel good. I no longer feel groggy and lazy. I have more energy, more stamina, and more excitement about my life.

I Feel Great!

To be honest, I feel great! Starting from our last weigh in until today, it has been up and down, like always. My son, was home sick for a week. We were in and out of insta care and the ER, so finally we went to his pediatrician. My mom suggested we have him checked for diabetes. Yea, yea, yea mom. But, when we were sitting in with the doctor he proceeded to tell me that Isaiah should not gain any more weight this year. This is when my head started telling me that I might want to listen to my mother and make the suggestion to the doctor. The doctor tested his blood sugar, it was 105. Which was a little high for a child his age he said. So, he ordered a fasting blood test. I am patiently waiting... I feel sad that my son might have diabetes, it took me by surprise. At this point I am going to do the very best I can to teach him the proper things to eat, and what to stay away from. He is also going to stay active, if it is the last thing I do.
Other than that, he is back to normal and feeling great.
I was unable to meet with Ty on Friday however, I will be meeting with her tonight! Yes!! I am excited, she has this gift of helping me feel so fantastic. I love my training days!
Thursday I did the stop sign with Mckel and I felt great! Saturday I put in some miles at the gym and of course it felt great! Sunday, I was disappointed that the weather came in and ruined my plans of hitting the pavement and doing some more miles with Charlie. When the weather finally changed I was on the couch taking a nap, and lost my mojo! But, oh well! No worries, it was a good day of rest and I don't regret that I took time out for me and my rest. We did go out to eat at La Frontera, what did I get? Well, I ordered eggs and chile verde side of beans, and I had one tortilla. It was a 15 point meal. I just watched what I ate the rest of the day and felt great! So, yesterday was Monday and I put in 3.5 miles on the treadmill (50 mins for 3 miles) and 4 miles on the elliptical and 4 miles on the stationary bike. Yep, you guessed it, I felt great! Today I went in and did the 3.5 miles and beat my time on the 3 miles, I did it in 48 minutes. I am so excited about it, I managed to do my first mile in 15 minutes. When I started this journey my miles were 20 minutes and the 3 miles were in 60 minutes. This is an improvement for sure! I am starting to see that my endurance and tolerance in my workouts are getting better and better. I just need to figure out what I can do to loose more of the pounds. Someone told me to cut out the carbs and eat more of the veggies and protein. Which is understandable, however, at times I am wondering what to eat due to the points I am suppose to be eating. Right now with weight watchers I am at 42 points. I need to be honest, this week I have not been able to eat all my points. What my head tells me to do is eat a weight watchers snack cake or ice cream, but to be honest I don't want to. I just drink some water and grab an orange and eat that instead. Which consists of zero points! I want to get out of the habit of grabbing something that would do more harm than good. I want to be able to eat healthy no matter what. I feel that this may or may not be beneficial for the weigh-in tomorrow, but at this point I care more about my overall goals than this particular weigh-in. I have reached a point in this competition that I want to win! I want to win more than anything, it would be a great experience for me. But, I don't want it to take over my mind, my thoughts, and my actions to the point of stress, and fear. I am relaxed, I am working on personal goals at the gym and I am positive that I will see results. I have no idea if they will be the best results on the scale, but they are the best results within myself. I am believing in myself, I am seeing the strength I have increase, and I am exited about getting dressed for the first time in years! I am already winning this competition. The only difference is, it is the competition I have been having within myself over the past 20 years. The one I have with the voices in my head that tell me I am not good enough, or I can just have one donut, or just quit now. Today I am winning and I feel great! Once I get started there is nothing that is going to hold me back! I am on my way to a new way of life and a new me and right now as of last weeks weigh-in I am 20 pounds lighter in 4 weeks! I am a success, I am worth it, and I am loving life!   

It has been an emotional week! I don't know where to start. I have been on this up and down emotional roller coaster ride. I have gone from happy to sad, to pissed off and discouraged, all the way to grateful and full of hope. There are some things going on in my life that are causing some stress to spill over into my weight loss goals. There are times when I am working out, pushing myself to limits and just when I think I can't do any more, something clicks in my mind and the tears start to roll. The other day I was on the track taking my laps and my mind started to race in and out of the years of my life. I found myself crying while I was jogging, wiping my tears in hopes that no one noticed (I know, silly of me to think that people are watching me). I just thought to myself, "Oh geez, these are not tears of physical pain, just the emotional pain that is breaking through." I never thought that through this weight loss journey I would be breaking down walls of emotions that I didn't think existed. I for some reason thought that I have worked on my pain, and my life through the 12 steps, which of course I have, but it was on my disease of drug addiction and the wreckage that came from all of that. Today, I am able to work on a different addiction that I have, emotional eating. The other night after the weigh in, I was extremely disappointed in myself. This has nothing to do with winning or losing the contest, this has everything to do with my personal goals I have set for myself. I lost 2.8 pounds, and I was upset about it! I have worked, and pushed, and worked, believing that I would pull some huge number. When I left the weigh in I called and spoke to Roseanne (sponsor, she is the best), and told her what I really wanted. I wanted to go to get me a nice shake, fries, and a big greasy cheeseburger. The amazing thing about sharing my feelings with her was the fact that once I said it, I didn't want it any more. The anniversary of my brothers death was the other day as well, tons of emotions from that came pouring out. What I realized through the emotions is that I know how the pounds packed on, I ate and ate my way through my feelings. So, Friday comes and I meet with Ty "The Tiny Titan" and she has me to the breaking point, here come the tears! Yea, I know! What the heck is up with the tears? She told me something nice, like I am proud of you or your amazing. Which at the time made a huge impact on my feelings, she believes in me more than I do at times. She helps me to create this image of myself, this image that one day I will no longer be a fat person. We talked about the contest, and my weight loss. I shared with her that it wasn't about the contest and my discouragement from my weigh in weight loss, it was the fact that I am doing this for me! I told her that I don't want to be fat the rest of my life. She told me that I wouldn't be. Which gives me hope.
Ok, so I have this tiny issue that starts to happen for me when I get about 20-30 minutes into my workout. Yes, this is a spoiler for all you readers who may not want to know this, but it is reality. Ok, so here I am working out and I just get my rhythm going and I have to go to the bathroom. Yes, the little ladies room, not for a little tinkle, but for a dookie doo! I hate it! But, it is true usually about a mile into my run. I have spoke to some others and they say this is normal. However, very uncomfortable for me which in turn is frustrating when your trying to meet personal goals. Geez! The good news, I am doing a 15 minute mile! Whoooaaa! This is huge for me, when I started 3 weeks ago, I was at a 20 minute mile. My goal this next week is to do 3 miles in less than 45 minutes. I know it is possible!

I believe in me!

I know that regardless of what happens over the next nine more weeks, that I am amazing! I have been doing things that I have not been willing to do for so many years. Last Friday I met with Ty and things were rough. We did so many different exercises, consisting of cardio and weights of course. But, my the time my hour was up, I wanted to throw-up! She had me pushed to my mental limits, and just when I think I can't do any more, she slaps out another set of each! I am thinking, "Ok, lady I'm gonna have to hurt you. Just as soon as I have the strength to do it!" At some point I was thinking, if I just threw you over this ledge into the basketball courts, it might not hurt. However, I am not that kind of person. Just a thought! It went away after I left the gym :) Oh, and Ty already knows my thoughts, not at the time... On the more serious note, Ty is amazing. She pushes and pushes and gets me to the point of proving to myself how much I can! The one thing at this point that I know that I will master, is that stupid jump rope! Oh, my goodness does it drive me nuts. I will by the end of this competition be able to jump rope continuously for 2 minutes. I have a few battle wounds on my elbows, I think I only fell once, it was almost like a rolling fall. Had to be there, I think I should have someone taking photos of me, they would be priceless come this time next year. 

Something else over the weekend... I went to buy me some new jeans. Why? Well, what happens to mine due to the thunder thighs that I do have, holes start to take over. Yes, holes! My thighs rub together so much that they create friction, and soon the jean is no longer there, just a hole where jean used to be. Yes, I know a sad, sad situation. So, I went to the mall. I invited my friend to go with me. She is a skinny little thing. I have to add that because she went to all the plus size stores with me. Aaahh, a glimpse of what a woman of my size must go through to actually look nice and have clothes that feel comfortable on. It was so nerve racking! Nothing at the first store. Why is that? Well, the pants are either way to long, or they are UGLY!  Why in the world would designers make things so inappropriate for fat people. We cannot wear strips in that direction, hello! Ok, so then the next store... UGLY! Finally I found some pants. Yes, I was willing to try on a few different pairs of pants and finally purchase two pair. This is just to get me through the next few weeks, hopefully! I will soon be out of a 20-22 and into the teens again. Whoot! 

I must be honest people, I had two bites of a chocolate cake. I know, I know... I wanted so much more believe me. But, I only had two bites! Amazing, I love cake. It is my weakness at this point. Not the store bought kind, I am good on that. It is the homemade delicious ones that get to me every time! 

I am feeling good about my weight for the first time in a long time. I guess the reason is, I am doing something about it. I know that no matter what happens tonight, I have done the very best I can, and I am so proud of myself for that. I believe in me, I know that I am worth it, and that I am already a winner. I have pushed and pushed this week, and there is nothing holding me back! 

How did I get to 300 pounds?

I have been asked this question a few times since I have started "Big Loser 2011." The first time was in my interview with Chris and LaRae at Planet 94.1. The next time I was asked this question was during my first work-out with TyAnn. Both times I responded with the same answer, "I eat my emotions." However, when I was working out with Ty, this response brought out a ton of emotions. I felt like crying, and just letting it all out. But, I didn't, I would not allow myself to go there. Now I am at a place where I keep going there in my mind. I keep replaying the emotions behind my relationship with food. So, I am going to blog my emotions today and release my feelings and reasons I eat, I am going to tell you a little bit about me.
I am the youngest of three children, I had two brothers Andy, and Anthony.Both of my brothers were born with Hemophilia (genetic bleeding disorder), which means they needed blood transfusions (factor 8 or 9) to help clot their blood. In the 1980:s my brothers were infected with HIV, they were eight and nine years old. In February 1997 Andy passed away. This started the long hard road of drug addiction. I was on a journey to not feel the emotions of the loss of my brother from that day forward. Unfortunately, for my daughter she was caught right in the middle of it all. I was fortunate enough that my mother and grandparents took great care of her while I was on this road of destruction. The older I got, the more types of things I tried, living in denial that I had a problem at all. I got involved in a painful, loving, abusive relationship. What does that mean? Just like it sounds, we were both drug addicts living together, on the good days things were good, and on the bad days things were disastrous. So many words and so many tears, I never understood why I allowed myself to get to that point of unhealthy, unmanageability. Within that relationship I had my son, and he was my blessing. A few months later my father committed suicide, March 2004. That was the day my drug addiction took me and everything I loved and destroyed me. I became completely controlled by drugs, and nothing could stop me from using. I could not deal with the fact that my father was gone, and never coming back. My heart was broken beyond repair. The only thing I wanted was not to feel the pain any more. I soon moved to St. George and I continued my addiction in a new city. Eventually, getting to a place where GOD stepped in and said "I am going to do for you what you can't do for yourself!" Purgatory Correctional Facility. This is where I was able to get clean for 34 days. This is where I was able to get a glimpse of a program called Narcotics Anonymous. I have been clean since August 5, 2005. Ok, so I have learned how to not use drugs, I have learned not to use drugs no matter what happens in life. However, up until this point I have not learned how to deal with my emotions in a healthy way. I can share my feelings, but then I eat, or I don't eat! In May 2007 Anthony passed away. It was a very painful experience for me. He was my big brother. He walked through the deaths of our brother and my father. He was my hero, a fighter! But, our family walked through this pain, and for me I ate my way through it. I did start going to Dixie State College and in May 2010 I graduated with my Associates, I am currently working on my Bachelors in Education. I got engaged almost two years ago to a wonderful man, who is also an addict in recovery. But, this has not always been the case. He just recently came home from a program and is now working hard on his program to stay clean. But, the process in between his recovery was very stressful, and heart-breaking. I can tell you this, he is my soul mate and I couldn't have been blessed with a better man. This past summer my grandmother Ester passed away from cancer, this has been another one of those painful, emotional eating my feelings experiences. A month later my godfather, Jim passed away. Can I just say, "I hate funerals!" and I really wish death didn't have to happen. So, here I am... 300 pounds later! I replaced my drug addiction to a food addiction, I should just say anything to make me feel different addiction. I am learning how to eat, and I am learning that I do not have to pick up anything at all to help me feel better. I just need to sit and wait, and eventually the feelings change. Right now I am using the gym to help me deal with emotions, and at times I cry, but at the end of the day I am proud of how far I have come and where I am going. I am taking my life back! I am the only one who can change my weight, my feelings, and my life. Today I am going to be the best me I can be,and look in the mirror and know that I am worth it! I know that if my family members were here right now with me, they would be proud of me and all of the wonderful things I am doing today. I do have an amazing family and amazing friends to share this journey with, and I love them all!

Manic Monday!

Ok, so it is the start of the week and I feel like I need a weekend off to recover from my weekend. I now have my fiance Charlie home, and it makes things a little more do-able. I am on the go from 6:30 a.m. until 9 or 10 p.m. It drives me absolutely nuts! But, I can say I at least have the willingness and desire to do something different keeps me motivated. I have school, work, gym, homework, and all the other odds and ends. The good news is, I have not had a soda pop, processed food, or sugars (other than the natural sugars from fruits and veggies) since the 19th of January. I can say I love, love the Weight Watchers program, it is giving me the tools I need to manage my food intake and feel good about what I eat. At this point I am allotted 43 points per day, with 49 extra points a week (if something special were to come up). I love it! I am eating guilt free for the first time in my adult life. Thank you God, for this gift. I am so honored and blessed to be apart of The Big Loser 2011 from the Planet 94.1 radio station. I am so blessed that they chose me, out of all of the applicants that applied. I feel like God is saying here Leslie, let me help you. So far my workout schedule is as follows: Mondays- day off, Tuesdays - 3 miles, training session with Ty "The Terminator", and Zumba with Jazzie, Wednesdays - 2 miles and swimming, Thursdays 3 miles and Zumba with Jazzie, Friday 1 mile and training session with Ty "The Terminator", Saturdays 3 miles and Zumba with Jazzie, Sundays 3 miles at the Park. The only thing I am struggling with is setting an athletic goal to shoot for. My goal this week for weight loss is 8-10 pounds. I am hoping this will be possible. I am doing everything I can to make sure I am following the guidelines. I refuse to weigh myself, and see what happens on Wednesdays at Weight Watchers with the other teams. I have a huge support system going on right now and I love it! The more support the better, so if you are following me, Thank you so much. I will keep posting my progress and my weigh ins.

Before Pictures and Planet 94.1 Bio

Starting Weight:  300.2
Body Fat Percentage:  49.3%
Age: 32
Height: 5' 3"

Pet Peeves:

My biggest pet peeve is dishonesty. I feel so strongly about just
 being honest, regardless. My thought about it is, even if you

think you may, or may not hurt my feelings, I can still respect

your honesty and accept it. It is better to be honest and hurt

someones feelings, than to be dishonest and later on down the

road they find out you were lying. Just more wreckage to clean

up later. Save the trouble and be truthful right from the start.

My other pet peeve is my own procrastination. I always tell
myself, I will just do it tomorrow or later. In reality, there is

no better time like right now, because right here in this moment

is all we have!

Favorite TV shows and Movies: 

I am not one for TV shows but, I do love the Biggest Loser.
I watched a few seasons and then decided not to watch it

anymore because I was feeling sorry for myself. Questioning

my ability and then I would go into the kitchen and eat. So,

I just stopped watching it.

My favorite movies are: 

Peaceful Warrior, A Walk To Remember, Remember the Titans,

Despicable Me, What Happens in Vegas, and Why Did I Get Married.

Food that is your biggest weakness: 

Food in general is a big weakness. But, I love La Frontera's
smothered burritos and french fries. I also love my homemade

chicken enchiladas. I also can't resist cookies and milk, or a

piece of homemade yellow cake with chocolate frosting.

What motivated you to enter this contest?

The biggest motivation to enter is my desire to lose this weight.
Right now I am the biggest I have ever been in my life. I want to

lose weight, I think about losing weight but I just go right back to

the same habits and don't stick to my goals. I have tried HCG,

I have tried to do it on my own. This opportunity came up and I

said a prayer to God asking him to help me get the help I need

and the courage to do it. Wow! Is this contest amazing! I am so excited.

This is the jump start I need to give me the tools, motivation, and

support to better my life, and the lives of my children. This is a gift!

Thank you Planet 94.1 for choosing me and blessing me with the

opportunity to get healthy. Thank you for believing in me. I am

so excited to meet the other contestants and hopefully build

relationships with them to last a lifetime. I am ready to get

this party started!!